The Greater Marriage Truth, Part Four

Living in a culture where divorce is very common, the very plain truth of Scripture as to the sanctity of marriage creates tension, to say the least. The tendency of some is to focus on exceptions—sexual betrayal or desertion. Jesus countered the Jews’ misapplication of the Mosaic “permission” (Deuteronomy 24:1–4) when they raised the question about divorce for any reason (Matthew 19:3–12). The response was the same as in Matthew 5:32: “Everyone who divorces [apoluo, separates from] his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality [porneia, fornication], makes her commit adultery.”

In Malachi 2:13–16 God rejected the offering of the priests because they had been unfaithful to their wives, putting them away (v. 14). Yet, God considered the priest and his divorced wife still married—“she is your companion.” Further, He declared, “I hate divorce” (v. 16).

This brings us to the exceptions. The issue of desertion rests on Paul’s discussion in 1 Corinthians 7:12–16. If a spouse is converted in the marriage and “the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved” (v. 15). It is assumed that Paul released the believer to remarry, but he does not say that. He simply says that the believer is not bound to fulfill his sexual duties as the covenant requires (vv. 1–5). In verses 10 and 11, Paul plainly states, “The wife should not separate [apoluo] from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce [aphiemi] his wife.” Paul uses aphiemi (“to leave”), not the usual apoluo (“to separate”) translated divorce.

The sole exception stated by the Lord was fornication, which refers to breaking of the sexual union that makes the covenant of marriage. In this case, a wife may separate (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) by not engaging in sex with her husband. This is what Paul meant when he said, “The brother or sister is not enslaved [douloo, “to give oneself wholly to the needs of another”]” (1 Corinthians 7:15). The technical term for divorce (apoluo) as used in 1 Corinthians 7:11 actually means to separate. Covenant marriage is based on the sexual joining of the couple; thus, any violation of this joining is the sinful breaking of the covenant. The breaking of the covenant allows for separation and celibacy, not legal freedom to remarry. This understanding of celibacy also explains the response Jesus gave to the bewildered disciples in Matthew 19:10–12: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs . . . who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Some are given the grace of sexual abstinence; some are not. Paul supports this in 1 Corinthians 7:6 and 7, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am [celibate]. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”

The Greater Marriage Truth, Part Three

Adultery (the breaking of the marriage covenant through sexual betrayal) is a great sin because its destructive tentacles extend far beyond the damage done to the marriage itself. Marriage is the foundation of community in the building of society. There can be no strong community without strong families built on strong marriages. There can be no strong churches without strong families. This is primary since marriage is a picture and pattern of God’s covenant with His people.

Paul exhorted husbands to love their wives, patterning the love Christ has for His church (Ephesians 5:25). The purpose and aim of Christ’s love for his church is evidenced in selfless sacrifice, sanctifying and cleansing the church so that she might be without spot or wrinkle (v. 26). This is exactly what a husband is to do for his wife. The result is a strong marriage and a strong church. It is in this objective that Adam failed in the garden as he passively stood by as Eve sinned. Even though Adam sought to blame Eve (Genesis 3:12), God held him responsible. The NT clearly bears this out (Romans 5:12, 13; 1 Timothy 2:14; 2 Corinthians 11:3).

Adultery is a selfish act, fulfilling personal lust for momentary satisfaction. Like Adam, the adulterer wants to assume no responsibility for the sin. No wonder Jesus used very strong and radical language to warn His followers (Matthew 5:29, 30). Paul argued that believers must “flee from sexual immorality” because, unlike other sins, this one is “against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Body here refers to the covenantal unity of two as one.

Two things must be understood. First, the sexual act consummates the “one-body” unity that is the heart of covenant marriage (1 Corinthian 6:16; Matthew 19:5, 6). “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (v. 6b). One might argue, “A sexual tryst of a couple outside marriage certainly would not fall under God’s covenant unity designation. God would not join them in this case.” Sorry, but that is not what Paul said: “Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh’” (1 Corinthians 6:17).

Second, the covenantal consummation is symbolic of the spiritual union that makes a believer one with the Lord: “But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Therefore, Paul adamantly warned the saints, “Flee from sexual immorality.” As sexual sin is against the marriage covenant, it is also sinning against spiritual union with the Lord. Immorality is linked to idolatry as well, being a sin against the Lord’s covenant union.

In adultery one sins against both one’s spouse and the Lord. That is why Paul continued, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19, 20).

The Greater Marriage Truth, Part Two

When questioned by the Pharisees on whether divorce was allowable for any reason, Jesus replied that their question indicated their lack of biblical knowledge. He asked, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made the male and female” (Matthew 19:4). This is the very heart of the issue of marriage: God created His image-bearers as two distinct but complementary genders (Genesis 1:27). Each possesses very different characteristics; yet these differences harmonize to further the purpose of God in marriage.

Satan’s plan is to destroy God’s kingdom and replace it with his own. The very first human society ordained by God is the family created through marriage to fulfill the divine mandate. Here is where the devil concentrates his effort to undermine the divine directive. Destroy marriage and God’s plan is successfully disrupted.

In the Garden of Eden, Satan’s effort started, tempting Eve to disobey God and destroying her relationship to Adam. In her sin, the order that God instituted was also damaged. Eve was created from Adam as a complementary help. This order of authority did not put Eve in an inferior position but in a submissive one. In her sin, she reversed the role and disobeyed the will of God.

When God entered the scene to pass judgment on the sin, He did not confront Eve but Adam, who stood by and passively received the forbidden fruit at Eve’s hand (Genesis 3:6). When confronted, Adam blamed Eve, who subsequently blamed the serpent (vv. 12, 13). In passing judgment, the Lord reversed the order: serpent, woman, and then Adam.

It is very significant that the serpent’s judgment involved Eve’s offspring. The very thing that the devil sought to destroy is what God would to use to defeat the devil (v. 15). To the woman God declared that her tendency would now be to resist submission to Adam’s rightful place in the order of things (v. 16). The divine “permission” of Deuteronomy 24:1 must be understood in light of this and not seen as the blessing of God on divorce, which was what the Pharisees thought. Moses’s instruction merely governed the actions of people who are sinful and defiant of God’s will in marriage.

One issue is the term translated indecency, which technically refers to nakedness. This points back to the garden and the sinful pair being aware that they were naked. They sought to hide this shame by covering themselves (Genesis 3:7). In a sense, divorce is a carnal effort to hide the shame of the failed marriage. Jesus’ reference to sexual immorality refers primarily to betrothal, which was the first stage of the marriage.

The simple fact is that if God’s means of defeating the serpent involves the offspring of the woman, then divorce is one of Satan’s varied efforts to prevent that offspring from being born. The one who was to crush the serpent’s head is the seed of a woman; the assumption is that there must also be a man who contributes the seed. Is it not interesting that Joseph, upon discovering Mary’s pregnancy, was of a mind to divorce her privately, unwilling to put her to shame (Matthew 1:19)?

The Greater Marriage Truth, Part One

The issue of adultery closely links to idol worship as evidenced in Israel’s history (Ezekiel 23). This theme is also reflected in the New Testament (Revelation 2:20–24). Idolatry is linked to sexual immorality because the two work together mutually to provide a sense of enjoyment and satisfaction that leaves Christ out totally. The simple definition of idolatry is anything that one puts in the place of Christ as a means of finding satisfaction. A believer must always search his heart with the question, is Jesus everything to me? If I were to lose everything—family, friends, possessions, health, or whatever—is Jesus enough for me? This is the basis of His radical requirements for all who would follow Him (Luke 9:23–26). 

The section before us (Matthew 5:31, 32) presents a similar twofold message. Marriage is very sacred to God, so the breaking of that bond is very serious. What must be kept in mind as we read these verses is the key verse; “For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (v. 20). Verse 31 refers to the Mosaic permission (Deuteronomy 24:1): “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house.” Technically, this permission is not a permission at all but an attempt to control a practice learned in Egypt. It actually limits the man who would divorce his wife and forbids him to remarry her if she has become another’s wife after the divorce. It also gave some protection to the divorced wife, limiting the reasons for divorce and necessitating legal procedure in it.

When the Pharisees questioned Jesus about the legality of divorce (Matthew 19:3–9), Jesus pointed them to the original design for marriage (Genesis 2:24). They immediately reacted, arguing that Moses gave them permission to divorce. Jesus replied that Moses permitted them due to the hardness and sinfulness of the heart. The rule is simply put; “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Divine design for marriage actually relates to God’s kingdom purposes, as demonstrated in Jesus’ reply to the disciples’ response. Marriage was originally instituted make possible the divine mandate to fill the earth with those created in God’s image. Sin spoiled this mandate. Jesus came to fulfill the original mandate to people the kingdom with those created in His image. He presented a higher calling that only those so gifted are able to fulfill—“There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it” (Matthew 19:12). The issue of divorce is very difficult and much debated. It is a hard saying, but Jesus never said following Him would be easy.

Being Radical in Killing Sin

Our very existence in the flesh necessitates taking very seriously the warning of the Savior in Matthew 5:27–32. Jesus later said that what “proceeds from the heart defiles a person . . . evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality,” etc. (Matthew 15:18, 19). Paul described the characteristic sins of those who walk in darkness as “orgies and drunkenness, sexual immorality and sensuality, quarreling and jealousy” (Romans 13:13). “The works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality” etc. (Galatians 5:19). Sexual temptation is very powerful, using very strong lures to indulge these sins. Thus, we are warned: “You may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Ephesians 5:5).

Judeo-Christian values have had some protective influence on Western culture; however, there has always been a consistent assault on those values. European society became openly immoral years ago, and America has followed close on her heals, much like the biblical sisters Oholah (Samaria) and Oholibah (Jerusalem) (Ezekiel 23). Israel had the Word of God and the presence of God like no other peoples; yet the lust of the flesh often overruled. “Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did. Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, ‘The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.’ We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day” (under the judgment of God; 1 Corinthians 10:6–8).  

Few are aware of the moral sewer that presently engulfs even our small rural community because it is covered in darkness and whispered in private. As ancient cultures were prone to indulge the flesh, so the tendency remains to throw off restraint and pursue perversity, particularly when there is no fear of God to prevent it. However, “God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4). Thus, Paul warns believers to “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire” (Colossians 3:5). Putting the flesh to death is radical but necessary. Jesus used the same drastic language to press upon the listener how dangerous it is to give in to carnal lust, even when it is confined to just a look. “Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. . . . And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away” (Matthew 5:28–30). Why so radical? “For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” But you say you are a believer and safe in His grace? No, “You may be sure of this, that no one who [practices these sins] has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God” (Ephesians 5:5).