The Greater Marriage Truth, Part Four

Living in a culture where divorce is very common, the very plain truth of Scripture as to the sanctity of marriage creates tension, to say the least. The tendency of some is to focus on exceptions—sexual betrayal or desertion. Jesus countered the Jews’ misapplication of the Mosaic “permission” (Deuteronomy 24:1–4) when they raised the question about divorce for any reason (Matthew 19:3–12). The response was the same as in Matthew 5:32: “Everyone who divorces [apoluo, separates from] his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality [porneia, fornication], makes her commit adultery.”

In Malachi 2:13–16 God rejected the offering of the priests because they had been unfaithful to their wives, putting them away (v. 14). Yet, God considered the priest and his divorced wife still married—“she is your companion.” Further, He declared, “I hate divorce” (v. 16).

This brings us to the exceptions. The issue of desertion rests on Paul’s discussion in 1 Corinthians 7:12–16. If a spouse is converted in the marriage and “the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved” (v. 15). It is assumed that Paul released the believer to remarry, but he does not say that. He simply says that the believer is not bound to fulfill his sexual duties as the covenant requires (vv. 1–5). In verses 10 and 11, Paul plainly states, “The wife should not separate [apoluo] from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce [aphiemi] his wife.” Paul uses aphiemi (“to leave”), not the usual apoluo (“to separate”) translated divorce.

The sole exception stated by the Lord was fornication, which refers to breaking of the sexual union that makes the covenant of marriage. In this case, a wife may separate (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) by not engaging in sex with her husband. This is what Paul meant when he said, “The brother or sister is not enslaved [douloo, “to give oneself wholly to the needs of another”]” (1 Corinthians 7:15). The technical term for divorce (apoluo) as used in 1 Corinthians 7:11 actually means to separate. Covenant marriage is based on the sexual joining of the couple; thus, any violation of this joining is the sinful breaking of the covenant. The breaking of the covenant allows for separation and celibacy, not legal freedom to remarry. This understanding of celibacy also explains the response Jesus gave to the bewildered disciples in Matthew 19:10–12: “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs . . . who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Some are given the grace of sexual abstinence; some are not. Paul supports this in 1 Corinthians 7:6 and 7, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am [celibate]. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.”